5-24 update: gained better understanding of CSS, HTML, JS, and JQuery. Will build new site using Ruby on Rails, not Drupal, so hang tight.
In an effort to increase the velocity at which I migrate away from WordPress and this theme, learn Drupal, better my understanding of CSS & HTML, and use this sum to build a new website, I am going to take a hiatus from posting here.
In the words of Geocities:
Thanks for your patience!